In today’s world of constant communication, we tend to be focused on what we are going to say next. Whether that’s responding to the latest social media post or contributing to the work-related email thread; we feel compelled to be heard. There seems to be a sense of urgency associated with outward-bound communication too. I’m guilty of having a constant eye on my phone because I don’t want to miss an opportunity to weigh in on the latest series of tweets or messages on LinkedIn. Pretty sure everyone can relate.
When I was starting out my career, I was very eager to speak up and speak often. Looking back, I was overzealous in my efforts to make sure people noticed I was engaged and had something to say. Hindsight, I would have benefited from reserving my comments until they contained more substance. Over the years (with the help of mentors, colleagues, and clients) I’ve learned about the power of “active listening”. A recent Harvard Business Review article breaks down the three aspects of active listening as follows:
Cognitive: Paying attention to all the information, both explicit and implicit, that you are receiving from the other person, comprehending, and integrating that information
Emotional: Staying calm and compassionate during the conversation, including managing any emotional reactions (annoyance, boredom) you might experience
Behavioral: Conveying interest and comprehension verbally and nonverbally
Getting good at active listening is a lifetime endeavor. You must work at building the skillset and mindset to master the craft. Following are some pointers to get you started on that learning journey
Be present. This applies whether you are in-person or in a virtual environment. Resist the urge to look at your mobile devices. Don’t get distracted by things happening outside of the room/call. Make sure you are attentive when others are communicating and acknowledge that you are digesting their input.
Ask good questions. I’ve always assessed job candidates by the questions they ask in the interviewing process. Asking the right questions signals you have soaked in what you have heard and are thoughtfully processing it all…. which leads to the next point.
Resist jumping to the solution! Being a type “A” personality with a low level of patience, it is my natural tendency to quickly jump right to my proposed solution for solving the challenge at hand. I must work on being more disciplined to make sure I’ve assessed the entire situation and then form a comprehensive proposed path forward. That approach has served me well. But it’s hard work.
Observe others’ body language…. and keep yours in check. We all got a little lax in this department during COVID, right?! Make sure you have the basics down i.e. good posture, minimizing the fidgeting, leaning into the conversation, etc. Also, you can glean a lot from others’ body language. How enthusiastic are they about their input? Are they exuding confidence? Does their body signal frustration or a positive energy? All of this adds up when you are framing up the situation post-discussion.
Don’t “put it in your own words” unless you need to. Direct repetition feels a bit unnatural and awkward; however, multiple studies have shown it works. Rephrasing the narrative can increase emotional friction between both parties. Only deploy this approach when you honestly aren’t comprehending input. For example, “I’m going to put this in my own words to make sure I understand”. Be explicit.
It’s a proven fact that listing is vitally important. It’s unfortunate that it is sadly undertaught. A 2015 study showed that while 78% of accredited undergraduate business schools list “presenting” as a learning goal, only 11% identified “listening.” So, it’s largely on us to be self-learners; despite the grind it can have on us both physically and mentally.
In summary, a competent active listener provides real value. You could make the argument that strong listeners are the lynchpins of solving problems and getting things done. Join me in the effort to master listening and add it to your toolbox of skills.
